Self-Serving Leaders Vs Servant Leaders

“Am I a servant leader or a self-serving leader?”  It is a question that, when answered with honesty in our heart, will go to the foundation of our intention or motivation as a leader.

One of the quickest ways we can tell the difference between a servant leader and a self-serving leader is how they handle feedback, criticism and comment, because one of the biggest fears that self-serving leaders have is to lose their position.

Self-serving leaders spend most of their time protecting their status. If you give them feedback, how do they usually respond? Negatively. They think your feedback means that you don’t feel like their leadership anymore.

Self-serving leaders who are passionate to influence, recognition and who are afraid of loss of position are not likely to waste any time or effort in training their replacements.

Another way to tell a self-serving from servant leader is how they approach succession planning.

Servant leaders, however look at leadership as an act of service. They hold close and welcome feedback as a source of useful information on how they can provide better service.

The journey of life is to move from a self-serving heart to a serving heart. We finally become an adult when we understand that life is about what you give, rather than what you get. Everyday leaders face hundreds of challenges to their intentions. Our adversary is waiting everyday to get us to be ego-driven, to be self-serving. Every day we must recalibrate our hearts. You’ll never be able to say, “Now I’m a servant leader, and I’m never going to be self-serving. We’re all going to be grabbed off course by our egos.

It’s easy to take for granted that you’re leading to serve your team and or your company when the decisions you make are good for the company.  It’s also very easy to rationalize decisions you make that put both you and your team in a good light as the decisions of a servant leader.

Ask yourself this question: “If you received absolutely no credit for the decision, would you make the same decision in the same way?”

If the answer is ‘yes’, then the decision is most likely a servant-leader one.  If the answer is ‘no’, the decision is most likely a self-serving one.

To successfully combat temptations to be self-serving, we need daily to surrender our motives and actions to Christ as our guide and roll model for how we should lead.

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

When You Are Through Changing You Are Through

When You Are Through Changing, You Are Through.

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.” Denis Waitley

All of us need to understand that change is a process. It is not an event, something that happens once, but rather it is a constant process.

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” Brian Tracy

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

The Swedish chemist Alfred Nobel amassed a fortune by inventing dynamite and other explosives. It described him as a man who had become rich by enabling people to kill each other in unprecedented/extraordinary numbers. Deeply shaken, Nobel resolved to dedicate his fortune toward accomplishments that benefited humanity. Hence, the Nobel Prize.

Challenge Yourself:

1. What is it in your life that needs changing?
2. How are you going to begin that process?

Sometimes change is unpleasant, often it is hard, yet almost always it is necessary. Begin the process of change now to become the better person you want to be.

3. What is it in your business or career that needs to change to make it more profitable?
4. What is it in your attitude that needs to change to make you more effective?

 “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” Charles R. Swindoll

Believe You Can Succeed and You Will

Believe You Can Succeed and You Will

Success is determined not so much by the size of one’s brain as it is by the size of one’s thinking. As Prophet David, who wrote, “As one thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Shakespeare, who observed, “There is nothing either good or bad except that thinking makes it so.”

Belief works this way, Belief, the “I’m-positive-I-can” attitude, generate the power, skill, and energy needed to do. When you believe I-can-do-it, the how-to-do-it develops. And believing you can succeed makes others place confidence in you.

The “Okay-I’ll-give-it-a-try-but-I-don’t-think-it-will-work” attitude produces failures. Belief is the thermostats that regulate what we accomplish in life. Believe in yourself, and good things do start happening.

Positive thoughts, specializes in producing reasons why you can, why you’re qualified, and why you will.

Negative thoughts, expert in developing why you can’t, why you’re weak, why you’re inadequate and its specialty is “why-you-will-fail” chain of thoughts.

These two primary thoughts are strongly obedient and sharp to attention, immediately all you have to do is signal or call.

How to develop the power of Belief.

Think success, don’t think failure

Think, “I’ll win” not “I’ll probably lose”

I’m equal to the best not “I’m outclassed”

I can do it never “I can’t”

Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are.

Successful people are not superman; success does not require a super intellect, not based on luck. Successful people are just ordinary folks who have developed belief in themselves, and what they do. Never sell yourself short.

Believe Big.

The size of your success is determined by the size of your belief. Think little goals and expect little achievements.

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be” George Sheehan

How To Build Confidence and Overcome Fear

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”

“Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.” Og Mandino

Yes, fear is real and we must recognize it exists before we can conquer it. Most fear today is psychological. Worry, tension, embarrassment, panic – all from mismanaged. Fear is success enemy number one. Fear stop people from capitalizing an opportunity, it wears down physical vitality, it make people sick, shorten life, closes your mouth when you want to speak.

Two step procedure to cure fear and win confidence:

• Isolate your fear. Pin it down. Determine exactly what you are afraid of.

• Then take action. There is some kind of action for any kind of fear.

Two Ways to put people in proper perspective:

• The other fellow is important, you are important too. “We’re just two important people sitting down to discuss something of mutual interest and benefit.

• Develop an understanding attitude.

Remember two short sentences when someone declares war on you. “Underneath he’s probably a very nice guy. Most folks are.” There is within us a desire to be right, think right and act right. When we go against that desire, we put a cancer in our conscience. This cancer grows and grows by eating away at our confidence. Avoid asking yourself “Will I get caught? Will they find out? Will I get away with it?” People who are shy in introducing themselves can replace this timidity with confidence just by taking three simple actions simultaneously. First: reach for other person’s hand and clasp it warmly, Second: look directly at the other person, Third: say I’m very glad to know you. This three will banish shyness. Confidence action produces confident thinking.

Confidence Building Exercise.

• Be a front seater. Most folks scramble to sit in the back rows so they won’t be “too conspicuous” or lack confidence.

• Practice making eye contact. Instinctively, you ask yourself questions about fellow who doesn’t look you in the eye. “What’s he trying to hide?, What’s he afraid of?, Is he trying to put something over on me?, Is he holding something back?”, or it may say “I feel weak besides you. I feel inferior to you, I’m afraid of you” or I feel guilty, I’ve done something or I’ve thought something that I don’t want you to know.” Make your eyes work for you. Aim them right at others eyes. It not only gives you confidence, it wins you confidence, too.

• Walk 25% faster. Throw your shoulders back, lift up your head, move ahead just a little faster, and feel self-confidence grow.

• Practice Speaking-up. Those who fail to participate thinks to himself: My opinion is probably worthless, If I say something, I’ll probably look foolish, I’ll just say nothing, besides, the others probably know more than I. I don’t want the others to know how ignorant I am. Each time we fail to speak – we take one more dose of confidence poison; we become less and less confidence of ourselves.

On the positive side: The more you speak up, the more you add to your confidence and the easier it to speak up the next time. Speak-up. It’s a confidence building vitamin. Make it a rule to speak up at every open meeting you attend, Speak-up and say something voluntarily at every business conference, committee meeting, community forum you attend. Make no exception. Comment, make a suggestion, ask a question and don’t be the last to speak. Try to be the ice breaker and never worry about looking foolish. You won’t.

• Smile Big. Try to feel defeated and smile big at the same time. You can’t. A big smile gives you confidence. A big smile beats fear, rolls away worry, defeat despondency. Harness the power of smiling.

Find Others to Believe with You

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be” George Sheehan

Unfortunately, it may be difficult to eliminate all the negative people from your life. Your mother or father, a business associate, a best friend, church brothers/sisters, or even your spouse might be a negative influence. And since many of these people have known you for years, they probably think of you in terms of your past experiences and not in terms of who you are today or a person you can become.

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”

Sometimes it’s easier to find support from a complete stranger. A stranger doesn’t carry preconceived/predefined ideas about what you can or cannot do. The message at this point is that everyone needs someone to believe in him or her, and those who are closest to you may not be the best people to fill that role. The key is to find someone who does.

Take an inventory of the people in your life. Identify one or two individuals who are supportive and can provide encouragement. In the initial stages of implementing your dream, share it only with supportive people. As your dream takes shape and you become stronger in your belief, you’ll be able to handle the multitude of naysayer who will unavoidably cross your path.

“Negativity works like poison in the bloodstream: if you give into its power, it will weaken your confidence and kill your dream.”

Your goals are simply too important to let that happen!

Get the Action Practice

The test of a successful person is not the ability to eliminate all problems before they arise, but to meet and workout difficulties when do they arise. – Its still good advice to cross bridges as we come to them.

“Every act of will is an act of self-limitation. To desire action is to desire limitation. In that sense, every act is an act of self-sacrifice. When you choose anything, you reject everything else.” G. K. Chesterton

Expect future obstacles and difficulties. Every venture presents risk, problems and uncertainties. (Example: Suppose you wanted to drive your car from Bicol to Baguio, but you insisted on waiting, until you had absolute assurance that there would be no detours, no motor trouble, no bad weather, no drunken drivers, no risk of any kind. When would you start? Never! It makes sense to map your route, check your car, in other ways to eliminate as much risk as possible before you start, but you can’t eliminate all risks.

“Goals are a means to an end, not the ultimate purpose of our lives. They are simply a tool to concentrate our focus and move us in a direction. The only reason we really pursue goals is to cause ourselves to expand and grow. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term; it's who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment.” Anthony Robbins

“I certainly don't regret my experiences because without them, I couldn't imagine who or where I would be today. Life is an amazing gift to those who have overcome great obstacles, and attitude is everything!” Sasha Azevedo “Difficulties mastered are opportunities won” Winston Churchill

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Meet problems and obstacles as they arise. We can’t buy an insurance policy against all problems. Ideas are important. Let’s make no mistake about that. We must have ideas to create and improve anything. Success shuns the man who lacks ideas, but ideas in themselves are not enough. That idea for getting more business, for simplifying work procedures, is of value only when it is acted upon. A good idea if not acted upon produces terrible psychological pain. But a good idea acted upon brings enormous mental satisfaction.

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” Anthony Robbins

Use action to cure fear and gain confidence. Here’s something to remember: Action feeds and strengthens confidence, inaction in all forms feeds fear. To fight fear, act. To increase fear – wait, put off, postpone. Action cures fear. “Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness.”

“Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” Peter T. Mcintyre

Start your mental engine – mechanically – When you write a thought on paper, your full attention is automatically focused on that thought. That’s because the mind is not designed to think on thought and write another at the same time. And when you write on paper, you “write” on your mind, too, Test prove, that you remember something much longer and much more exactly if you write the thought on paper.

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Now is the magic word for success. Tomorrow, next week, later, sometime, someday, often as not are synonyms for the failure word, never. “It’s easier to spend what’s left over after savings than it is to save what’s left over after spending.” Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today” by Benjamin Franklin. Remember, thinking in terms of now gates things accomplished. But thinking in terms of someday or sometime usually means failure.”

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” Epicurus

Initiative is a special kind of action. It’s doing something worthwhile without being told to do it. The person with initiative has a standing invitation to join the high income brackets in every business and profession.

Developing the initiative habit
Be a crusader. When you see something that you believe ought to be done, pick up the ball and run.

“Determine what specific goal you want to achieve. Then dedicate yourself to its attainment with unswerving singleness of purpose, the trenchant zeal of a crusader.” Paul J. Meyer

Be a volunteer. Each of us has been in situations in which we wanted to volunteer for some activity but didn’t. Why? Because of fear. Not fear that we couldn’t accomplish the task, but rather fear of what our associates would say. The fear of being laughed at, of being called an eager beaver, of being accused of bucking for a raise holds many people back.

“Be of service. Whether you make yourself available to a friend or co-worker, or you make time every month to do volunteer work, there is nothing that harvests more of a feeling of empowerment than being of service to someone in need.” Gillian Anderson

By all means, volunteer for those special assignments. The fellow who stands on the sidelines, who holds off, who is passive, does not lead, But the doer, the fellow who thinks action finds others want to follow him. People place confidence in the fellow who acts. They naturally assume he knows what he is doing. I’ve never heard anyone complimented and praised because “he doesn’t disturb anyone”, “he doesn’t take action”, or “he waits until he’s told what to do”. Have you?

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Don’t Sell Out Your Convictions for Conveniences

“Learn to place value on your convictions.” Isn’t it interesting that one kilogram of dirt and one kilogram of diamonds weight the same, but one of them is of greater value. Decide in your life what is dirt and what is diamonds, and live towards that.

“A conviction of self-worth and passion for ideals fuse in a life attitude that is positive, free, noble and spiritually enhancing.” By Bill Jay

“Always understand that the greatest thing you have going for you is your convictions.” When you try to live for convenience, you pay a price that is often very painful. Make sure that your life is founded on convictions, deeply rooted convictions. Let your business be a conviction, let your financial prosperity be a conviction, let your values be a conviction to you. Don’t compromise them.

“He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions.” Louisa May Alcott

A man or a woman without convictions will always be unstable and double minded.

“Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak. And it is a solemn and weighty responsibility, and not lightly to be flung aside at the bullying of pulpit, press, government, or the empty catchphrases of politicians. Each must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, and which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your convictions is to be an unqualified and inexcusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let man label you as they may. If you alone of all the nation shall decide one way, and that way be the right way according to your convictions of the right, you have done your duty by yourself and by your country- hold up your head! You have nothing to be ashamed of.” by Mark Twain

“Whatever you say, say it with conviction” by Mark Twain

Challenge: Make a list today of some convictions in your life:

• I am absolutely convinced that I am uniquely gifted.
• I am absolutely convinced that I should prosper.
• I am absolutely convince that my business dealings will be successfully and prosperous.
• I am absolutely convinced that my children love me, and I am convinced that I love them.

List convictions in your life that are dear to you. Adhere to them and make sure you do not compromise them.

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All the battles of life are waged within yourself.

“All the significant battles are waged within self. Think about it. “Before anything materializes in your life, it generally happens on the inside of you.”

Our insecurities come from the inside and often manifest themselves on the outside, perhaps in wariness or aggression, in hearsay/babble or pride. We heard someone once say that talent is God – given, so be humble, fame is man – given, be thankful, conceit is self – given, be careful.

Success is a battle fought on the inside of a man or a woman before it ever is an outside battle. What are some of the battles that wage within us? The battle not to quit, the battle not to view yourself as a mistake or a failure, the battle not to muse on our circumstances, not to blame others or be full of pride, the battle of loneliness; you and I have to enjoy our own company before we will ever enjoy anybody else’s company.

Success in your life is a mindset. You can be successful in the middle of pain.

The Challenge: What can you do to make sure you win the battle? 1st, understand that there is a battle. 2^nd, get advice from people who have won battles in their lives. If you’re struggling in business and don’t know why, go and talk to someone who has some wins and some losses and find out how they came through. 3^rd, don’t look for quick fixes to problems, especially long term problems. Be genuine and honest with things in your life. Wear a sign around your neck that say ‘Be patient, I am under construction’. Wear it so others can see it, but also realize the same is true for others. Understand that your life is constantly under construction.

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How to Think Like a Leader?

Achieving high-level success requires the support and the cooperation of others. And gaining this support and cooperation of others requires leadership ability.

Four leadership rules or principles that can cause others to do things for us in the executive suite, in business, in social clubs, in the home, anywhere we find people:

1. Trade minds with the people you want to influence. Is a magic way to get others – friends, associates, customers, and employees – to act the way you want them to act. To get others to do what you want them to do, you must see things through their eyes. When you trade minds, the secret of how to influence other people effectively shows up (ex. one political candidate for a national office apparently fully as qualified as his opponent lost by a tremendous margin for one single reason. He used a vocabulary that only a small percentage of voters could understand.) Keep this question in mind: “What would I think of this if I exchanged places with the other persons?” Thinking of the interests of the people we want to influence is an excellent thought rule in every situation.

Put the trading minds principle to work for you:

1. Consider the other person’s situation. Put yourself in his shoes so to speak. Remember, his interests, income, intelligence, and background may differ considerably from yours.
2. Now ask yourself. “If I were in his situation, how would I react to this?”
3. Then take the action that would move you if you were the other persons

2. Think: What is the human way to handle this? People use different approaches to leadership situations. One approach is to assume the position of a dictator. – Makes all decision without consulting those affected. He refuses to hear his subordinates’ side of a question because down deep perhaps, he’s afraid the subordinate might be right and this would cause him to lose face. Dictators don’t last long. Employee may fake loyalty for a while but unrest soon develops. Second leadership technique is the cold, mechanical. The fellow using this approach handles everything exactly according to the book. He doesn’t recognize hat every rule or policy or plan is only a guide for the usual cases. This would-be leader treats human beings as machines. Third person who rise to tremendous leadership height use a “Being Human.” You are a human being, I respect you, I’m here to help you in every way I can. “Whoever is under a man’s power is under his protection, too.” Anybody can hire a man. But the test of leadership is how one handles the dismissal.

Two ways to use the be-human approach to make you a better leader:

First. Each time you face a difficult matter involving people, ask yourself, ”What is the human way to handle this?”. Avoid sarcasm, avoid being cynical, avoid taking people down a peg or two. Avoid putting others in their place. Ask “what is the human way to deal with people?” It always pays-sometimes sooner, sometime later. But it always pays

Second. To let your action show you put people first. Show interest in your subordinates off the job accomplishments, treat everyone with dignity. Remind yourself that the primary purpose in life is to enjoy it. As a general rule, the more interest you show in a person, the more he will produce for you, and this what carries you forward to greater success. Practice praising people. Rub people the right way.

3. Think Progress, Believe in Progress, Push for Progress. Promotion in all fields go to individual who believe in-and push for progress. Develop a forward look.

Two special things you can do to develop your progressive outlook.

1. Think improvement in everything you do.
2. Think high standards in everything you do.

Believe in-and push for progress, and you’ll be a leader. Remember this: When you take over the leadership of a group, the persons in that group immediately begin to adjust themselves to the standard you set. This is most noticeable during the first few weeks. Their big concern is to clue you in, zero you in, find out what you expect of them. They watch every move you make. They think, How does he want it done? What does it take to please him? What will he say if I do this or that? Once they know, they act accordingly. Check the example you set. Use this ever-accurate as a guide: “What kind of world would this world be, if everyone in it were just like me? In similar fashion, ask yourself, What kind of club, community, school, church would it be if everyone in it acted like you. Think, talk, act, live the way you want your subordinates to think, talk, act, live - and they will. Over a period of time, subordinates tend to become carbon copies of their chief. The simplest way to get high-level performance is to be sure the master copy is worth duplicating.

Am I a Progress thinker? Checklist:

A. Do I think progressively toward my work?

1. Do I appraise my work with the “how can we do it better?” attitude?
2. Do I praise my company, the people in it, and the products it sells at every possible opportunity?
3. Are my personal standards with reference to the quantity and quality of my output higher now than three or six months ago?
4. Am I setting an excellent example for my subordinates, associates and others I work with?

B. Do I think progressively toward my family?

1. Is my family happier today than it was three or six months ago?

2. Am I following a plan to improve my family’s standard of living?

3. Does my family have an ample variety of stimulating activities outside the home?

4. Do I set an example of a progressive, a supporter of progress for my children?

C. Do I think progressively toward myself?

1. Can I honestly say I am a more valuable person today than three or six months ago?
2. Am I following an organized self-improvement program to increase my value to others?
3. Do I have a forward - looking goals for at least five years in the future?
4. Am I a booster in every organization or group to which I belong?

D. Do I think progressively toward my community?

1. Have I done anything in the past six months that I honestly feel has improved my community?
2. Do I boost worthwhile community projects rather than object, criticize or complain?
3. Have I ever taken the lead in bringing about some worthwhile improvement in my community?
4. Do I speak well of my neighbors and fellow citizens?

4. Take time out to confer with yourself and tap your supreme thinking power.

Don’t be a Mr. I-can’t-stand-to-be-alone. Successful leaders tap their superpower through being alone. (When Mr. I-can’t-stand-to-be-alone is forced by circumstances to be physically alone, he resorts to television, newspaper, radio, tel., anything that will take over his thinking process for him.) As part of professional development program: Closet ourselves for one hour each day, shut themselves/ourselves off from all distractions and think constructively about anything that come to mind.

Two kind of thinking we can use:

1. Directed thinking. Review the major problem facing you. In solitude/isolation your mind will study the problem objectively and lead you to the right answer.
2. Undirected thinking. Just let your mind select what it wishes to think about. It’s very helpful in doing self-evaluation. It helps you get down to the very basic matters like “How can I do better?” What should be my next move? In moment like these your subconscious mind taps your memory bank which in turn feeds your conscious mind. Remember, the main job of the leader is thinking. And the best preparation for leadership is thinking. Spend sometime in managed solitude everyday and think yourself to success.

How to use the Thinking Big in life’s most crucial situations:

There is magic in thinking big but it so easy to forget. When you hit some rough spots, there is danger that your thinking will shrink in size. And when it does, you lose. Brief guides for staying big when you’re tempted to use the small approach:

A. When Little People Try to Drive Your Down, Think Big.

To be sure, there are some people who want you to lose, to experience misfortune, to be reprimanded. But these people can’t hurt you if you’ll remember three things:

1. You win when you refused to fight petty/unimportant people. Fighting little people reduces you to their size. Stay big.
2. Expect to be sniped/shorten at. It’s proof you’re growing.
3. Remind yourself that snipers are psychologically sick. Be big. Feel sorry for them. Think big enough to be immune to the attacks of petty people.

B. When That “I-Haven’t-Got-What-It-Takes” Feeling Creeps Up on You, Think Big. Remember: If you think you are weak, you are. If you think you’re inadequate, you are. If you think you’re second class, you are. Whip/trash that natural tendency to sell yourself short with these tools:

1. Look important. It helps you think important. How you look on the outside has a lot to do with how you fill on the inside.
2. Concentrate on your assets, Build a sell-yourself-to-yourself commercial and use it. Learn to supercharge yourself. Know your positive self.
3. Put other people in proper perspective. The other person is just another human being, so why be afraid of him? Think big enough to see how good you really are!

C. When an Argument or Quarrel Seems Inevitable/foreseeable. Think Big. Successfully resist the temptation to argue and quarrel by:

1. Asking yourself, “Honestly now, is this thing really important enough to argue about?”
2. Reminding yourself, you never gain anything from an argument but you always lose something.
3. Think big enough to see that quarrels, arguments, feuds, and fusses will never help you get where you want to go.

D. When You Feel Defeated, Think Big. It is not possible to achieve large success without hardships and setbacks/disappointment/loss/misfortune/defeat. But it is possible to live the rest of your life without defeat. Big thinkers react to setbacks this way:

1. Regard the setback as a lesson. Learn from it, research it, use it to propel/drive/push you forward, Salvage/recover/save/retrieve something from every setback.
2. Blend persistence/determination/perseverance with experimentation. Back off and start afresh with a new approach.
3. Think big enough to see that defeat is a state/condition of mind nothing more.

E. When Romance Starts to Slip, Think Big. Negative, petty, “She’s (He)-unfair-to-me-so-I’ll-get-even” type of thinking slaughters romance, destroys the affection that can be yours. Do this when things aren’t going right in the love department:

1. Concentrate on the biggest qualities in the person you want to love you. Put little things where they belong. – in second place.
2. Do something special for your mate and do it often.
3. Think big enough to find the secret to marital joys.

F. When You Feel Your Progress on the Job is Slowing Down. Think Big. No matter what you do and regardless of your occupation, higher status, higher pay comes from one thing: Increasing the quality and quantity of your output. Do this:

Think, “I can do better”, the best is not unattainable. There is room for doing everything better. Nothing in this world is being done as well as it could be. And when you think, “I can do better” ways to do better will appear, thinking, “I can do better” switches on your creative power. Think big enough to see that if you put service first, money takes care of itself.

In the words of Publilius Syrus:

“A wise man will be master of his mind, A fool will be its slave.”

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